Get ready to laugh with our collection of the funniest Chuck Norris jokes. Perfect for any occasion, these jokes will have you in stitches. Click now to read!

"The Ultimate List of Chuck Norris Jokes"

Chuck Norris was never a virgin. Everyone else on the planet was fucked the moment he was born.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. From that point on, they were just referred to as the Islands.

Chuck Norris doesn’t flush the toilet. He scares the shit out of it.

Chuck Norris doesn’t turn on the shower. He just stares at it until it cries.

Chuck Norris can speak Braille.

Chuck Norris can taste sounds

Chuck Norris gargles with peanut butter.

Chuck Norris shot himself in the foot once, and after several excruciating minutes; the bullet keeled over, and died.

Why can't you name a bridge after Chuck Norris? Cause no one crosses Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.

When Chuck Norris cooks, he makes the onion cry.

When Chuck Norris goes swimming he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 20 people. Then the grenade exploded.

Chuck Norris died 10 years ago, but death hasn't had the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris has a massive pile of dead ninjas in his backyard. He likes to call it "Broke Back Mountain".

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in the Periodic Table of Elements. He only believes in the element of surprise.


Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear rug in his house it's alive it's just too scared to move.


Chuck Norris can burn ants with a magnifying glass… at night.

Chuck Norris once picked oranges from an apple tree and made the best lemonade in the world.


Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

Chuck Norris’s reputation doesn’t precede him, it follows him at a safe distance.


For some people, the left testicle is larger than the right. For others, the right is larger than the left. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other!